Have you ever seen the haunted ancient morning sweep the stars out from the sky

Have you ever seen the dust wiped from your heart so clear that you can see it shine, see it shine

As you walk through

Your pointless danger

You will go through

Twisted sorrow

But you will know

That if you really saw the world

It would all just tumble down

Cause it could hold no more truth.

It could hold no more dreams.

It could hold no more people.

People, they would know what it means.

UHHHHH______________________________________

commandments

1. The slower you move, the faster you die.

14. Good manners are important. There is never an excuse for rudeness. The quality of life is largely about small human transactions, and politeness makes human experience bearable.

15. You will sometimes fail. There will never be a point in your life when you are too successful, too old or too wise to fail. Expect failure and let it put steel into your soul. Be made strong by your failures and be made grateful by your success. Like night and day, both will surely come to every life.

22. Learn which bridge to cross and which to burn.

27. Do not waste your time on jealousy, hatred, or watching Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.

28. When possible, get there by walking.

35. Strain every fiber of your being to resist hating someone you once loved.

41. The one with the power in any relationship is the one who cares the least.

42. Stun them with your talent. Dazzle them with your genius. Never be half-hearted. Never be lukewarm. Attempt to knock every ball out of the park.

43. A thick skin will serve you better than a trust fund.

44. Be decent and kind to all the people who can't do anything for you.

45. Self-pity is more destructive than heroin.

48. Happiness will come and go - the important thing is to recognize it when it is here.

49. Luck will be both good and bad - but relying on good luck is like counting on the postman to bring you a check.

55. The best cure for jet lag is sunshine. The best cure for a hangover is Black Doctor - Coca-Cola (regular, not diet). The best cure for diarrhea is live yoghurt. The best cure for a broken heart is another trip to the moon on gossamer wings.

58. Learn to trust your instincts. Only the dead go with the tide. Only the living can go against it.

59. Do not prepare- begin. Time is always accelerating. With every passing season, a year is always a smaller percentage of your life.

60. "Learn to live with what you can't rise above"

- Bruce Springsteen

67. Money spent on education is the one investment that will always show a huge profit.

68. "A lifetime is a flash of lightening in the sky" - Buddha

by Tony Parsons

these were written for men but, whatever

“Makes me feel free in a way I’ve never known”

12.12.12

and though your arms and legs are under,

love will be the echo in your ears,

when all is lost and plundered,

my love will be there still

24-Hour Round Up

In the last 24-Hours...

mr. and mrs. orlando bloom

Was scrolling around somewhere online last night and came across this picture, and had the biggest smile stuck on my face. *Awwwww.*

When I was about 15 I had a massive crush on Orlando Bloom, ("massive" meaning it was one of those that your whole family knows about) and I still think it might be there... deep underneath just lurking around. Sometimes when I run across a picture or see him on a magazine cover the little belly flips ensue, and all of the sudden I'm 15 again and watching him shoot that bow and arrow as an elf. Was he an elf? Well, it was also massive because I jumped at a shirt that I came across at Abercrombie & Fitch back then that read, "Orlando Makes Me Sweat". I just had to have it, and still do, and still wear it from time to time when no other clothes are in reach. My brothers like to pretend the shirt is about Florida. Well I know what it's about... this hot piece of now-married I-still-want-you over here. God I had a thing... what am I here to write? Oh, this picture really made me so happy to see. He's carrying his son in the little male baby pouch, ♥ and as you probably know I haven't had any babies, so my plan to be his wife fell through. But I love seeing this. There the lucky lady is just behind. This is the first time I've actually seen the two of them together with their baby, all I've seen is Miranda going through the airport carrying this humongous child on her hip (or so he looks next to her) a bunch of times. Case in point it was massive: My mom sees a pic while we're together recently and says: Orlando. I remember all of your boyfriends. :)

Even when the crush is a few years old and tired, it never truly dies does it...

going running

er... what? Yeah, I got 4 hours of sleep and decided to get up at 5:30am and go running. When the day was just breaking in the wee morning, so people couldn't really see how ridiculous I look. Also decided to stay inside my suburb as not to get snatched up, I've paid attention to too many Jaycee Lee Dugard stories. Going running at 6am in the Fall in Washington = a massive win. Having a cigarette when you get back = a big obese lose, but I needed to calm down after almost passing out a few times. When I started I was fine, but then got the bright idea to try and run up a hill... (No.) If anyone was watching I'm sure they were holding the telephone with their finger on the 9-1-1 dial, waiting for me to keel over. I have a weird way of saving myself from the extremes though, can bring myself back from being literally two seconds away from puking (not sure if that's good), and can bring myself back from getting ready to pass out too. Just had to sit down and breathe- pant is a better word, and think about nice things. Kind of pleased that I've learned to control some of this stuff to some degree. And well, I did successfully run (for the most part) my course around BluRidge 5 times like I had planned to, in a timely manner, and made it home. En route, one house literally whispered at me. I swear on Robert Pattinson it said "Hey, come here" as I was walking by. I'm praying it was some kind of early set up for Halloween and the running wasn't making me hallucinate, because I literally jumped out of my skin like: WHAT THE FUCK

Well maybe my face wasn't that extreme but... holy shit.

I saw a kid coming out of his house to walk to school and Awwwwed. He looked about 11 or 12, came out and locked the front door with his key quietly, and was on his way. I'm pretty sure my kids will be the same, getting their asses to school themselves. I kid, I just thought it was very sweet to see. I had an idea of exactly where he was going, Lynndale Elementary which is a very close walk just outside of BluRidge through the park. He's about a 5 minute walk from school, how convenient. I used to walk that way with my dad back when I was at Lynndale. Uh.. where was I?... I think I'm gonna try doing this running routine at least once a week. (Try doing being the main words here) It's not so much for the losing weight aspect as I am a piece of string cheese, (got a few looks while out that were That is the skinniest bitch I've ever seen running in my life.) But I feel like I really need to get in shape, been feeling like an old woman here lately, or what I imagine they feel like. Not cool to be 20 and feeling like your days are numbered. So this little routine might be good, and maybe as I do it more often it will get easier and easier.

soulmate

This morning after my run it was time to write a very long much over-due message to the best soulmate in the world, Tina Valley, to fill her in on all the happenings of life in Lynnwood. Which was much needed for me and a huge breath, because I could get out a lot of things that I haven't been talking much about. It's nice to vent and I can always do that with her. Without her getting weirded out about the weirdness that is my life sometimes. Can't really expect that from people much these days.

But she breaks the mold ♥

Thanks for being such a great friend hun.

a thousand years

This might not have made it into the 24-Hour mark exactly but.... second song. And uhh..... words I do not have right now. Think I might have to come back and do another entry on this song alone. I flove.

But watching you stand aloneAll of my doubtSuddenly goes away somehow

wfe/bd

Wasser fur die Elefanten

I love saying the name in German for some reason, lol not really sure why my brain prefers it to come out of my mouth this way but I utter that regularly. To me it sounds really nice coming off the tongue, (secretly wish this is the name that would be on my DVD). So erm, why am I here? Oh, the movie's Facebook page recently made picture albums for each of the main characters, which really made me smile. Thought it was really sweet that they gave Marlena an album, August, Rosie and then finally Jacob. It's nice when you can really grow to love a movie and a story down to every bit, and it's apparent that others enjoyed it just as much as you did. I realized yesterday that I have a thing for each character in some way, their own separate traits- certain things that they did or said resonated with me in each of them.

And you know... I'm a star attraction.

Out there- they got nothin', just like everybody else.

She swallows and looks at her lap. "There was something else I wanted to talk to you about. What happened in the alley. In Chicago."

"That was entirely my fault," I say quickly. "I can't imagine what came over me. Temporary insanity or something. I'm so very sorry. I can assure you it will never happen again."

"Oh," she says quietly.

I look up, startled. Unless I'm very much mistaken, I think I've must managed to offend her. "I'm not saying... It's not that you're not... I just..."

"Are you saying you didn't want to kiss me?"

---

"Oh my Lord," says Marlena. "Oh my Lord, that was close. I wonder if August got out."

"I sure hope so," I say, struggling for air. I lean over, resting my hands on my thighs.

After a moment, I look up at Marlena. She's staring straight at me, breathing through her mouth. She starts laughing hysterically.

"What?" I say.

"Oh, nothing," she says. "Nothing." She continues to laugh, but looks perilously close to tears.

"What is it?" I say.

"Oh," she says, sniffing and bringing a finger to the corner of her eye. "It's just a crazy damned life, that's all. Do you have a handkerchief?"

My name is Jacob Jankowski... aha, and this is Marlena Rosenbluth.

My you're a beauty.

I open the orangutan's door and set a pan of fruits, vegetables, and nuts on the floor. As I close it, her long arm reaches through the bars. She points at an orange in another pan.

"That? You want that?"

She continues to point, blinking at me with close-set eyes. Her features are concave, her face a wide platter fringed with red hair. She's the most outrageous and beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Here," I say, handing her the orange. "You can have it."

She takes it and sets in on the floor. Then she reaches out again. After several seconds of serious misgivings, I hold out my hand. She wraps her long fingers around it, then lets go. She sits on her haunches and peels her orange.

I stare in amazement. She was thanking me.

Your heart goes out to an animal suffering well that's noble and that's good, but all that tells me is that you never saw men suffer.

She grabs his arm. "Auggie! Where are you going?"

"I'm not the only one who's going to pay for the lemonade," he says, shaking her off.

"August, no! She grabs his elbow again. This time she throws her weight into it, trying to prevent him from leaving. "August, wait! For God's sake. She didn't know. We'll secure her better next time--"

August wrenches free and Marlena crashes to the ground. He looks at her in utter disgust. Then he plants his hat on his head and turns away.

"August!" she shrieks. "Stop!"

The worlds run on tricks, everyone plays.

But it's having a true talent, a gift born within- something no degree can give you.

Breaking Dawn

This video of a scene from the movie was released here recently, and I'm not quite sure I'll be able to do justice here, but I guess I can try.

I cried. Guess we can start there. From what I can tell Bill Condon really knows his stuff when it comes to provoking the emotions, either that or I was just destined to cry when this was made no matter who directed. This was one of my favorite parts in the book (that's an understatement) and I really couldn't be more happy with the adaption. A very special part for me, and what with each little emotion coming across perfectly from both actors, that tear jerker soft music playing in the background, those nice little lines from the book.... me = finished. I just really cried at this. Not actually sure if I was crying from happiness or just HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS. MY GOD. But this is perfect. Completely. Bella is just how I imagined her on this night, at these parts- I want to kiss Kristen Stewart on the mouth. When she walked out on the beach in the towel consider me a wreck- that look on her face. She was like, fuck this, I am not afraid anymore. I am ready. When she was struggling in the bathroom, a nervous fucking wreck- we are one Bella. I can relate. She pulls herself together and realizes that even though she doesn't know the first thing, she has absolutely nothing to be afraid of. I was always on the same wave length with what was written here: The fire was no longer a flash burn across my skin (from the nervousness)- it was slow and deep now; it smoldered away all of my awkwardness, my shy uncertainty. I slipped the towel off without hesitation, leaving it on the tree with his clothes, and walked out into the white light;

Is this me? Maybe we're just all the same, and that's why people like this story so much. Because she's a normal girl who experiences the same things that everybody else does. Except her deal is book series worthy, with the vampires and werewolves. I used to get flash burns across my skin around a guy and sometimes I'd get worried, because when I start getting flash burns what comes next is I start getting light-headed, and then I'll pass out. That happened once in church when I was in private school, but it had nothing to do with a guy, think it was just sheer nervousness then. Passed completely out because I ignored my body's warnings, the flash burning over the skin and the faint dizziness. I was just in 4th grade then and didn't know myself like I do now, so I tried to ignore it. When I even feel the beginnings of this now I immediately go sit down and throw some cold water on my face and fan myself with something. But back to the subject of having this reaction because of a guy, the transformation of feelings that she had up there in the book, I've felt. It's like you've got heat flashing over your skin because you are terribly nervous, you don't have the first clue of what to do, and because this person means a lot. But then you take one look at him and realize that he loves you completely (well this is where I leave off), and you have nothing to be afraid of. Then, the heat focuses itself in another area, in your lower area, and it melts away all of the shy instantly. And you know exactly what you want (nookie) and you know exactly how to go for it. All of the sudden you're a woman. It happens that quickly. (Hope not too mushy but there it is.)

And Kristen was just.... no words for how well she brought that across here. There at the end of the clip, the look on her face was right there. I could go on and on and bore you, but I'm sure anyone who loves this story understands. I'm not even prepared for the rest of this movie, judging by my reaction to what I've seen here. I'm scared. Scared I might make a complete utter fool of myself in the theater, maybe I should wait for DVD. I wasn't ready for my reaction to this clip. Was I not expecting it to be this good? Don't know what I was expecting, I guess I just wasn't prepared for finally seeing all these parts that I love from the book in front of my eyes. And it really amps it up for me even more that it's Robert, since I'm kind of in love with him already, so fuck me I am a wreck. I'm over the moon excited to see this whole movie, but at the same time I'm afraid I can't handle it. In a really shitty place...

Don't be a coward.

Get Your Own Quiz!, More Quizzes

But they're just afraid of something they can't understand

First song. And I love it. I knew I would. Deaded. That's all.

Oh that isn't all, I want the rest of the soundtrack now! I'm sure I'll love it just as much as the others. It's weird, I wanted to dislike Bruno Mars for the longest, he just struck me as that little weirdo who thinks he's hot because his voice doesn't match his body, and that tries to get with girls twice his size. But his voice pulled me in, I couldn't resist "Just The Way You Are"... I am female. He's talented, he won me over even more at the VMAs with his thing for Amy Winehouse, and then the weekend my sister and her future mother-in-law were in town, I found out that older women are smitten by this little thing. I mean by him. My mom and step mom knew who he was when he came on the radio, and got really excited. I had no clue what was going on. Then throughout the journey of our day we stopped at a Nordstroms Rack, and my mom zeroed in on the CD display. I bent down and went: *sad face* "sorry mom... I see everyone but Bruno here." And then of course Beyonce's cover grabbed my attention and I picked it up, only to of course uncover little Bruno just behind. So the whole day in the car was spent listening to his album. A few sing-a-longs ensued, and here we are just a few weeks later. I like Bruno Mars. He's now completely won me over by contributing to Twimania. He's a sweet little thing. But stop getting caught with cocaine in Vegas.

Cause there'll be no sunlight

if I lose you, baby

There'll be no clear skies

if I lose you, baby

Just like the clouds,

My eyes will do the same if you walk away

Everyday, it will rain

The Red Line

"What do you really think of me?" she dared herself to ask.

Wow. What a brave question.

"I mean, no bullshit." She said, surprising me , "You can say anything you want, just…I can take it. I want to know."

I sat back in my chair, folding my hands and resting them on my chest, letting her stew for a moment while I let my eyes wander over her. She waited, endlessly, as if she were being mentally tortured.

"You are good." I began, "But you want to be bad. Not very bad, just slightly. You think of yourself as plain and nothing extraordinary. You prefer being in the background, behind the scenes. You hate lots of attention. You're very smart and that scares you. Your brain keeps stupid boys away so you believe yourself undesirable. You are extremely sensual and curious and want to explore your desires but have not had a chance to do so. You are warm and loving. Your body is gorgeous. Your touch is soft and shy, and innocent. Your voice is deep and throaty and sexy as hell."

She had tears in her eyes, hearing my assessment. She said nothing but just looked at me in wonder.

"Oh." I added, "And you are a klutz and talk too much."

These are my footprints,
so perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints
never touched the ground at all.
Not one tiny footprint,
for now I have wings.
These tiny footprints were meant
for other things.

tattoo in progress for Christian ♥

me

Love was the former owner
But quiet is renting our house
It ceases my lips from speaking
But forms a sarcastic smile
Suspense now raised one of your eyebrows
You asked me if there's someone else
I replied yes, hell yes

You asked if it's another man, I said no
You laughed and say is it a woman, I say yes
Surprisingly you ask me for honey's name

And her name is me

overjoyed ♥

and daddy-to-be

hindsight

it's a wonderful thing ♥

this song will always remind me of the time around when my dad died, I was listening to this song a lot, the lyrics I could really relate to with feeling like there were things I should've said that I didn't, I was planning to drive to Vancouver to see him play live just 5 days before the accident happened, and I was listening to this song a lot...

and the fucked up family award goes to mine.

And we started drowning

Not like we'd sink any farther

But I let my heart go

It's somewhere down at the bottom
But I'll get a new one
And come back for the hope that you've stolen

I'll stop the whole world ♥

BTV

swath

click click click

I guess it's pretty much the most official that it'll get now. Comic-Con this year was really a huge one to look forward to and I'm still all over the place watching everything. Saturday's panel for swath had to be the second most anticipated for me, first look at Kristen as Snow White (right above) and my mouth drops right open! I'm sure I wasn't expecting anything less but actually seeing it is just, wow. This is gonna be another strong kick-ass lead character and I wouldn't want 'Snow White' any other way. June 1 June 1 June 1. ♥

"I'm most excited about I'll say the obvious thing, you think Snow White, that wasn't initially something that I was jumping at. But this girl's got this amazing ability to channel fear; things that people are typically very afraid of into really focused, really charged, driving energy."

Are the lives always tempted to trade?
Will they hate me for all the choices I made?
Will they stop when they see me again?
I can’t stop, now I know who I am

Now I’m all yours, I’m not afraid
and you're all mine, say what they may
and all your love I take to a grave
and all my life starts now

Tear me down, they can't take you out of my thoughts
Under every scar there’s a battle I’ve lost
Will they stop when they see us again?
I can’t stop, now I know who I am

Now I’m all yours, I’m not afraid
and you're all mine, say what they may
and all your love I take to a grave
and all my life starts now

"Your name is JAM? oh Jan… I was going to say Jam's a very unusual name."

There was a brief sound in his throat that I could spend weeks trying to describe. But how can you make words out of sounds? These are two separate systems that we miserably try to link. This resembles something he would say. I must be mouthing his words again. Because I'm sure he said it once, walking past my workstation to the person who was with him, in reference to such and such. Mirrors and images. Or sex and love. These are two separate systems that we miserably try to link.

Benno Levin

"You grip the water bottle."
"It's that soft type plastic."
"You grip it. You choke it."
"It's a matter-of-fact thing."
"It's sexual tension."
"It's everyday nervousness in a life."
"It's sexual tension," he said.
He told Ingram to reach over with his free hand and fish the sunglasses out of the suit jacket on the hanger nearby. The associate managed to do this. Eric put on the glasses.
"Days like this."
"What?" she said.
"My mood shifts and bends. But when I'm alive and heightened, I'm super-acute. Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see a woman who wants to live shamelessly in her body. Tell me this is not the truth. You want to follow your body into idleness and fleshiness. That's why you have to run, to escape the drift of your basic nature. Tell me I'm making it up. You can't do that. It's there in your face, all of it, the way it rarely shows in any face. What do I see? Something lazy, sexy and insatiable."

"If you ask me there’s a moment in everybody’s life when you’re hopeless, just helpless with hope and trust. And then something happens, something too big to understand, and then everything changes forever. If you ask me you start out with goodness so pure and clear you won’t even know it’s there, because that’s the way it is when you don’t know anything. And then the news begins to arrive."

- Willie Donner, "Waiting for Forever"

via Tina Valley ♥

June 1, 2012

This might just be all the porn I'll ever need...

I'll probably get fined 50,000 dollars for this but oh oh ohhhhh.... Breaking Dawn ♥

"He's paragon schnitzophonic."

"He's what?!"

"Paragon schnitzophonic," repeats Uncle Al.

"You mean paranoid schizophrenic?"

"Sure. Whatever. But the bottom line is he's mad as a hatter."

♥

“In the end I long to be able to say — I cried, I laughed, I smiled, I frowned, I felt, I loved, I was loved and I lived."

I open the orangutan's door and set a pan of fruits, vegetables, and nuts on the floor. As I close it, her long arm reaches through the bars. She points at an orange in another pan.

"That? You want that?"

She continues to point, blinking at me with close-set eyes. Her features are concave, her face a wide platter fringed with red hair. She's the most outrageous and beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Here," I say, handing her the orange. "You can have it."

She takes it and sets in on the floor. Then she reaches out again. After several seconds of serious misgivings, I hold out my hand. She wraps her long fingers around it, then lets go. She sits on her haunches and peels her orange.

I stare in amazement. She was thanking me.

If you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by

if you be my boat
I'll be your sea
a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free

but you can set sail to the west if you want to
and past the horizon till I can't even see you
far from here where the beaches are wide
just leave me your wake to remember you by