Wednesday, October 20, 2010

sh*t my boyfriend says

Cosmopolitan Magazine (November 2010)


"An ex asked me, 'Do you get off when you insert a tampon?'"

"When I first started dating my boyfriend, we were in the middle of having sex when he suddently shouted, 'Mary and Jimmy. Our children's names should be Mary and Jimmy.'"

"My boyfriend told me that I was 'the best thing since toilet paper.' Romantic... kind of?"

"When my boyfriend couldn't find a movie suggestion he liked on Netflix, he said, 'This is depressing. We should just have sex."

"We were sitting on the couch, and my guy looked at me and said, 'Your head looks like an onion.' When he saw the horrified look on my face, he tried unsuccessfully to backpedal and explain, 'No, I mean, it's just, you know, really round.'"

"A few years after my ex and I started dating, we reminisced about the night we met at my sorority formal. I told him something about how cute he looked, and then he said, 'I thought you were a lesbian.' Uh, not what I was expecting. He tried to explain by saying, 'You were too pretty to not have a date , so I thought maybe you weren't into guys.' Yeah, I never let him forget that one."
[story of my life]

"I was on my period, and he really wanted to have sex. I wasn't that comfortable with it, so I told him no. He replied, 'Can't you like, make it stop for a few minutes or something?'"

"My ex and I were watching a television show that featured a pregnant character, and he blurted out, 'I'm so jealous of women. I wish I could carry a child!'"

"We were in bed when he wrapped his arms and legs around me and yelled, 'I'm Spiderman, and now you're trapped in my web!'"





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