dream journal

another dream about his face. he's right in my face. i'm standing somewhere really crowded, it's really bright outside. unnaturally bright for washington state. i'm standing just inside of some place, waiting for my ride to pick me up. the place wasn't inside, it was like i was standing in front of an upscale hotel that's entrance area was sort of a circular driveway under a garage-type thing. (like- this) yeah... i'm just looking straight ahead, people are walking by, and you know that feeling where you see someone walking in your peripheral view, and it looks like they're coming to you,but you don't want to look because you're not sure? yeah, that. i kept looking straight. he flew to my mind, but i suppressed the feeling right away. no way. how?

somehow... it was him. he walked up and got right to my face and honestly - kissed me. this dream was different somehow. even stronger then the torture that my subconscious made in the classroom dream. his face had a lot of color. as he came up to me i could see all the color in his cheeks, as if he had been running or something? but he wasn't sweaty, i don't think. yeah, as usual, doesn't make sense. but when he came up he wasn't running, just walking deliberately. this dream is also more vivid because i can smell more - potently? i guess the word is. i can smell his breath, no false unrealistic scents. it smells like breath. his face smells like a face. :) if you understand what i'm saying. so i can smell him. it's like he's real. i can see every color in his skin, see his lips up close, just inches from mine and he gives me one. the message i get from the kiss is 'i'm so sorry, i'm sorry that it took me so long.' that's the message that he's sending. he doesn't say a word. that's all i remember.

12/11/09

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i remember being in a car with my dad? it was a beautiful, sunny day again. i knew i wasn't in washington. i was somewhere beautiful and bright. we're in the car. he's driving and my friend ___ is in the back seat. we were making our way through some parking lot. like an outside shopping mall, with a drugstore and McDonald's and stuff. normal. there were people walking, and since it was a lot, there were speed bumps and stop signs galore. my dad was ignoring the stop signs. and he was going entirely too fast. which isn't normal for him in reality. but in the dream he was arrogant and getting on my nerves. i kept telling him over and over "that was a stop sign. a cop is going to see you and you're going to get a ticket." and he's just like, "ohhhh i'm fine, i'm fine." so annoying. he's zipping through the stop signs, and there's like kids walking in groups as well. i'm really uncomfortable and it seems as though my discomfort is fueling him. i wanted to punch him in the face. i didn't want to start a full-fledged argument because my friend was in the car. but clearly i'm annoyed. eventually i make my dad drop us off. it's an insanely beautiful day, i would rather walk. so we start walking up these weird dirt roads in the scorching sun towards a park. (we must be in like arizona or something!) it's sooo nice out. i feel so great and don't ever want to go inside. we're walking and i'm eating a peach i think. it's sooo juicy and sweet. i say to ____, "man he's fucking annoying." or something. no. i said, "he's honestly the most annoying person i've ever met." yeah, that's what i said. she smiles and says something like "nah, he's not annoying. i love your dad."so i guess they both thought i was overreacting. whatever! haha it's a beautiful day and i feel great. so i'm eating my peach. and ___s eating some kind of fruit as well. hers looks good too. so i take a bite of hers and she takes a bite of mine. i liked mine better. so we're just strolling along, and all the sudden some shirtless guys come running past us on this deserted road. they have on little shorts. they're some kind of team, although i can't tell what. they're all good looking. ____ and i look at each other. they're sweating and tan. and then i recognize one of them. ____ was there. a guy that i know from here in lynnwood. he saw me and we spoke. he doesn't really know (or want to know) ____ in reality i don't think. they didn't say anything to each other. he smiles at me but has to stay with his team or whatever. they move up ahead of us and then come to a stop on the right side of the road and turn around. that's when i look back and notice that the other half of the team or whatever, are facing them about 15 feet back down the road. they're setting up for something, but i have no idea what they're doing. so we keep it moving. we come to a fork in the road. one way leads up a super steep hill that i can't even picture being humanly possible to make it up without a harness. that option scares me. but the sign said it was the way to the park we were trying to get to. the other way, to the right, just looked like more trecking. and i have no clue where it led. i felt so good i didn't mind walking for hours in this weather. i can't remember which way we chose to go. the dream for tonight cuts off here. i just love the way that i felt when i woke. i wanted the sun. the beautiful, blinding weather of my dream. i wanted to go back. to fall asleep and go back. i wish i still could right now. i opened my eyes to this gloomy washington day.

3/27/10